What before has lit up my life, my passion, my energy and will?

Astrophysics, constellation mapping, moon-gazing

Studying academic capitalism, nationalism, queer spaces (disappearance of), hypocrisy of alt-right zionism

Whale-watching, being on boats on cloudy days, watching the ocean on cloudy days, lighthouses

The wind, air, clouds, particularly in that one Wayne Thebaud painting

Independent media movements, like zines, magazines, radio

The slow/indie web movement

Studying, reading, writing poetry

Planning fictional worlds with the intention of writing novels of them

Gardening (hydroponics, balance)

Labor union history, particularly among dock, automotive, and arbor workers

Forestry

The X-Files, Star Wars, The Magnus Archives, Malevolent

Building furniture

Queer reclamation of southern/Americana aestheticism

Farm animals, dogs, cats

Farming/ranching lifestyles; wwoof farming

The cambridge climbers?

Mary Oliver, Richard Siken, Leonard Cohen, Joan Jett, Leslie Feinberg, James Baldwin, Glenn Gould, Mister Rogers

What do i want, have i wanted?

To be a bookstore clerk

an archivist

a professor

farmhand of some form

frequent writer - published writer

radio dj/repairman/operator

To volunteer within a lighthouse, fire watchtower, library, leftist space, boat

To have proximity to academia, community, peace, routine, love

Top surgery, proximity to manhood

Rural life

Read my books and witness in the future how their spines have cracked, their edges worn

Escape living to be observed

Concepts to explore

English as a trade language

Language as an artistic medium, not language

Neoliberalism and
the cult of authenticity/social media/panopticon
the disappearance of rituals, third spaces

Modern luddites/digital minimalism

Academic capitalism

Anti-nationalism

44/444/Forty-Forgery

The Sabbath by Abraham Joshua Heschel

What am i curious about right now?

Boating, boat maintenance

Car repair/maintenance, motorbike repair

Van living, small-house living, off-grid living

Radio repair & broadcasting

Singing

Wrestling

Journalism (music, political)

Video blogging

Bd/sm dynamics & communities

Writing routines

Music making

Zines

Bookbinding

Astrophysics

Religion

Study the structure of classical music to mimic for poetry and essays

Vessels of hope, both now and previously?

Images and stories of archivists

Sturdy workwear, especially pre-loved

Cloudy oceans, lighthouses

Mountains in view

Vintage postcards of mountains and mundane scenes of life, highways, forests, dogs

Tall, thick trees

Apprenticeships...

Community college students, particularly graduates

Strong trans men

Mary Oliver, Glenn Gould, Robert Frost (A Boy's Will)

"I just need someplace stable to live and love and interact with the world around: someplace with a decent public library and my two working hands to write, type, shoot."

"I'd love to become an archivist studying queer ephemera and conducting philosophical research. I'd also love to run a small radio station, but ultimately I want to build a life I don't want to run away from. I'm pretty sure the first half of my adulthood I'll wind up needing to run wild, figure things out, adventure, be a mess. When I get to my early or mid 30s, I really hope for peace and resolve, love and contentment. I imagine the two age groupings like a city versus a countryside. I think my 30s have the potential to be.. wild.. but i think i'm built for peace, and i'll find it sooner than later."

Pages in this collage journal:

Steps i can take now

Get employed

Keep developing friendships

Work out daily; stretch

Drink water frequently, eat sturdier food/more protein

Time limit on phone's social apps/websites

Voice train, confidence train

Create routine out of passing days

Make a point to read more. If antsy, pace, then read again

Close through tabs

Purge phone

Other pages to make:

Cowen Park page

Roommate photo collage

Informative collages on what i'm curious about right now

Old curiosities as well: cambridge climbers, brother hypnos and thanatos, hearthcraft, woman alter-ego, lighthouse keeping, farming/gardening, clouds, whale-watching, nautical navigation, astronomy/physics, A Boy's Will, Glenn Gould...